FOR THE LOVE OF LEADERSHIP ARCHIVE
Because Stalling and Growth go Hand in Hand
I remember the lesson clearly:
My 16-year old self sat at the dining room table with my dad. He drew pictures of gears and explained how they come apart and then fit back together as you press and release the clutch.
I was learning how to drive a car with a standard transmission.
My dad walked me through it step-by-step, explaining how to shift into another gear, then ease off the clutch slowly and smoothly so the gears could re-engage without causing the car to jerk or stall.
It made total sense. I can still see those pictures in my head today. And on the rare occasion that I get to drive a car with a stick shift, I think back to that lesson as I get into the rhythm.
I don’t remember exactly how this part went, but it was something like this: I got behind the wheel of my dad's Chevy S10, equipped with all of that knowledge, pushed the clutch, turned the ignition, let off the clutch… and immediately stalled.
This happened over and over. Until, jerkily, I got it once. And then I got it again. And over time, I was able to drive that truck smoothly, only stalling when the conditions were extra challenging (here’s looking at you, stop signs on hills!)
No matter how well you understand how a skill works, why it’s important, or what it looks like in action, the only way to make it part of your skillset is to practice it in real life.
To get behind the wheel, push the clutch, let it back out - then stall over and over again until it finally catches just right and, over time, becomes something you can do repeatedly with ease.
I think about this a lot as it pertains to developing our leadership skills.
Whether it’s building better listening skills, having difficult conversations, managing well through change, or doing check-ins at team meetings.
Learning about and understanding a skill is essential for behavior change, but it is only the first step.
Building fluency and doing it with confidence and ease, takes time, trial and error, reflection, and revision.
The most important thing isn’t getting it right. It’s reminding yourself to do it, trying again, and watching how it evolves over time.
Bonus: The more we allow this for ourselves, the more we can hold space and have grace for others to do the same.
Laura Buckley is a leadership consultant and facilitator helping leaders build cultures where people can thrive. Because when your team thrives, your organization does, too. With 15+ years of experience as an Army officer and dietitian, she brings expertise in team dynamics, behavioral change, and trust-building to drive real impact.
